DFF Item #16

16. Is the Lackawanna Terminal Railway stock publicly or privately held? If the stock is publicly traded, what is the symbol and market? 

                                                               - (Name withheld)

Dear Unnamed Person: 

Thank you for your interest in the Lackawanna Terminal Railway. We here at the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Department of Denial and Archive Destruction are pleased that you are interested in the corporate structure that surrounds and protects the Lackawanna Railway's Terminal Management Team from gratuitous government meddling and frivolous lawsuits by corporations and private individuals. The usual correspondence we receive relates to the color schemes of our motive power, requests for cab rides, and other fatuous interrogatories. 

It will interest you to know that all Lackawanna Terminal Railway stock is owned by a privately held holding company called Lackawanna Terminal Industries, Ltd. headquartered in Suva, the capital city of the Fiji Islands. The Corporate headquarters is based there due to the low tax rate for foreign investors and a close working relationship with Fijian authorities engendered by gifts and blatant cash payoffs. You might also be interested to know that, due to the dedicated nature of the Lackawanna Terminal Industries, Ltd. shareholders and corporate officers, the annual shareholder's meetings held during January and February on the Island of Fiji are always well attended. 

Each year, as much as a week or two before the meetings, the entire fleet of Lackawanna Terminal Industries, Ltd. corporate jets can be seen streaming into Fiji International Airport with enthusiastic corporate "movers and shakers" while limousines, supplied by fantasies_are_us.com (a division of Marconi Wireless) wait patiently to whisk the shareholders and corporate officers to their luxury suites atop the Fiji Hilton in Suva. 

This important business conference usually lasts three to four weeks as many difficult decisions concerning the running of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway must be made while all the shareholders are gathered in one place. But lest you get too concerned about the spiritual and corporeal welfare of the good people who control the future of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway, rest assured that all participants are assured rest. No decision affecting the future of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway will be made in haste, without proper rest, or with an incapacitated intellect. 

Entertainment to soothe the weary mind and flagging body is flown in from the LT Corporate Headquarters in Scranton, PA courtesy of our newest profit center, Deepdarkdesires.com (a division of Marconi Wireless). No expense has been spared to assure that those who make the difficult decisions are well rested and properly entertained by our well trained hosts and hostesses so that the tough corporate decisions can be made with a clear mind and refreshed body. 

Last year nearly all of the Lackawanna Terminal Industries, Ltd's 237 Vice Presidents were in attendance as well as all of their secretaries. Due to the extremely tight schedule of meetings and exhaustive "business, first, last, and always" nature of the proceedings (most of which often last late into the night and oft times end up in the participant's private suites), employee's wives are not encouraged to attend these conferences. 

The future of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway has never been better thanks to the concerned officers and shareholders of Lackawanna Terminal Industries, Ltd. and it's wholly owned subsidiary, The Lackawanna Terminal Railway. 

We hope that we have sufficiently explained the complex corporate structure that supports the good people at the Lackawanna Terminal Railway. Proper flow charts showing the complexity of stock manipulations, profit diversion, and regulatory agency payoffs are available for inspection at the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Corporate Headquarters in Scranton, Pennsylvania. To view these corporate treasures, please call The Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Department of Denial and Archive Destruction for an appointment. 

Lackawanna Terminal Railway Department of Denial and Archive Destruction

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