DFF Item #17 and 17a

17. Dear Mr. L. T. President: 

Although its been a while since we corresponded, it doesn't mean we haven't been watching you. Quite the contrary, we are amazed at the rapid growth the LT is experiencing. Lots of traffic to haul in the shiny new cars, pulled by lots of shiny new engines. 
    
Interesting thing about your new cars. A check of the National Equipment Register for the past eighteen months shows NO cars sold to, transferred to, or rebuilt by the LT. There is no record of the LT purchasing former lease cars. There is no record of the LT having purchased any new cars, either outright or by adding on to an existing order, as reported to us by the nation's car builders. We have checked with the U. S. Customs, and they report no importation of any rail freight rolling stock. We even went so far as to check with the nation's steel producers, and they report no specialty steel shipping anywhere. And just to be sure, your shop employees, off the record, of course, report nothing more than hundreds of gallons of paint, and some LT stencils in the shop. No major rehab work. 
    
So, our question to you is, if you're not purchasing new freight cars from Athearn or Walthers, from whom are you stealing your new freight cars? 
                                                                           Inquiring Reporter

(To answer this question we have enlisted the aid of Paul Tupaczewski, president of the newly formed Lackawanna Terminal Railway Technical and Historical Society)

Dear Inquiring Reporter, 

We, the members of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway Technical and Historical Society, have seen through your nefarious attempts to "uncover" what you believe is the dubious appropriation of newly acquired railroad rolling stock. We, the members of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway Technical and Historical Society, would like to put to rest forever these same unfounded attempts at slandering the fine name of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway since your allegations, if proven to be true, would, at the very least, require the attention of a Grand Jury. You may, however, rest assured that the Lackawanna Terminal Technical and Historical Society has thoroughly researched the genealogy of all the Lackawanna Terminal's locomotives and rolling stock. We hope that we can address your concerns below.

As you are no doubt aware, rail traffic over the Lackawanna Terminal Railway has been rising at a staggering rate due, in part, to improvements in the economy, but mostly due to the tightly controlled management of everyone's favorite railroad, by highly skilled transportation professionals. This increase in traffic has required the LT to look for ways to increase it's freight car fleet to handle the burgeoning demand put on it. 

The reasons your exhaustive research has not disclosed the origins of the Lackawanna Terminal's new freight cars are several: 

1. The LTT&HS uses the "Official Railroad Equipment Register", or ORER, which is the industry standard. The reference work you must be referring to is the one used by that group of made up railroads in the Midwest (Appalachian Something or Other, you know, that one with the Something and Ohio, Virginia middle of Somewhere, and Allegheny Someplace) and is therefore less than accurate for the purposes you pursue. 

2. The Lackawanna Terminal Railway has a highly skilled shop force, with well paid, skilled laborers with a penchant for burritos. Our new cars were built in house to the most exacting industry standards. The reason the shop workers reported no rehabilitation work in progress is because the Lackawanna Terminal Railway freight car rebuild program is broken down into such small components that the workers seldom know what type of equipment they are working on. It is also possible they didn't understand your English dialect. In any case, the names and addresses of these employees have been duly noted by the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Department of Employee Importation and will be dealt with as appropriate. 

3. The reason you have not noted any steel being imported into the United States for the building of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's freight car fleet is that the LT firmly believes in "Made in the USA" and therefore contracts with the fine management and employees at the Stradivarius Steel (a division of Athenia Steel) plant  in West Corning, NY to fill it's requirements for the appropriate steel products. This also answers the question as to why no major steel manufacturer has orders from the Lackawanna Terminal for steel product suitable for freight car construction. 

4. The Lackawanna Terminal Railway is also outsourcing many of it's freight car acquisition contracts and  has been coordinating much of this work with the La Salle & Bureau County Railroad. 

Any other speculation as to the  origin of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's freight car fleet would be vacuous. 

We thank you for your interest in the Lackawanna Terminal. May we suggest a membership in the LTT&HS to further expand your knowledge in this exciting and progressive railroad system? 

        - Paul R. Tupaczewski 
          President, LTT&HS 

17a. Dear Mr. RR President:

Those of us in the Special Interest Press who toil endlessly, and without great monetary reward, for the truth are astounded and appalled at your latest attempt to explain away your continuing business practices as sound and honest. 

Now, it appears, you have enlisted the aid of innocent railfans, in the form of the members of the, as yet to be formed LTT&HS, taking advantage of the unbridled enthusiasm and boundless energy of these well intentioned people to proclaim for all the world that the Lackawanna Terminal Railway is a company that has the best interests of its employees and customers alike, at heart. 

It is unfortunate that Mr. P. Tupaczewski, upon whom you have bestowed the dubious honor of President of the, as yet to be created Lackawanna Terminal Technical and Historical Society, and obviously an ardent supporter of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway, has innocently allowed himself to be caught up in this reprehensible and unimaginative prevarication. Your public relations staff must spend endless hours in the centrifuge at the Johnson Space Center in Houston just to get on your team of apologists and "spin professionals". 

We, the members of the underpaid and overworked Special Interest Press feel that the truth of the matter is that your use of the, as yet to be created Lackawanna Terminal Technical and Historical Society, is nothing more than another vehicle from which you will continue to advance the cause of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's criminal business practices. So far you have succeeded in duping the public but you will find those of us impecunious and languorous members of the Special Interest Press are not fooled or intimidated by your actions. 
    
The fact, uncovered surreptitiously by our undercover sources deep within the bowels of the Lackawanna Terminal headquarters in Scranton, PA, that the Lackawanna Terminal Technical and Historical Society President has an office in the Lackawanna Terminal Railway Headquarters Building next to, and directly connected with, the Lackawanna Terminal Railway Department of Archive Destruction and that the President of the Lackawanna Terminal Technical and Historical Society is a full time employee of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway and a board member of the Lackawanna Terminal Industries, Ltd with access to the highest levels of management as well as access to the Lackawanna Terminal Industries, Ltd's Corporate 747 only proves that the, as yet to be formed LTT&HS, will be just another vent, from which more corporate bile will flow generously over the unsuspecting public. 

Is there no limit to the depth of your shallow, crass arrogance? 

Apparently not. 

We, the members of the penurious and hebetudinous Special Interest Press, while carefully reviewing the answers to our question regarding the "acquisition" of your new freight cars are also waiting for the latest disingenuous response to the charges we have outlined concerning the relationship between the Lackawanna Terminal Railway and their puppet organization, The Lackawanna Terminal Technical and Historical Society. 

                                                                                           With kindest regards, 
                                                                                           The Inquiring Reporter 

Dear Inquiring Reporter: 

The Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Management Team and the employees of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway want to thank you for your expression of sincere solicitude in the matter of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's business practices, i.e., the procurement of railroad rolling stock as well as the relationship between the Lackawanna Terminal Railway and the Lackawanna Terminal Technical and Historical Society. We understand that no business is above scrutiny and so we will endeavor to answer your inquiries in two parts: 

1. Let me assure you and both of your devoted readers that the Lackawanna Terminal Railway requires, and always expects, it's employees to adhere to the most stringent policies where business ethics is concerned and would like you and both of your devoted readers to remain assured that the Lackawanna Terminal management and their employees have done nothing remotely suspect in any phase of the procurement of completed freight cars, or materials and subassemblies required for the construction thereof. 

In an effort to prove to the Special Interest Press that all Lackawanna Terminal Railway business practices are honest and above board we have invited the Publishers and Editors of all the leading Special Interest Press publications to our Scranton, PA. Conference Center where the staff of the Conference Center, run by the good folks at deepdarkdesires.com and Fantacies_r_us.com, will hold a week long symposium during which all aspects of the Lackawanna Terminal's business practices will be demonstrated and discussed at length. Once again, due to the expected long hours and strictly business nature of this symposium, the wives of the Publishers and Editors will be discouraged from attending this most serious meeting. 

After the symposium is concluded, those of the invited Publishers and Editors who remain unconvinced of the railroad's irreproachability will be flown to the headquarters of the Lackawanna Terminal Industries, Ltd. in Suva, the Capital of the Fiji Islands, in the Lackawanna Terminal Industries, Ltd. Corporate 747 to view all the relevant documents stored by the Department of Denial and Archive Destruction so that there will remain no doubts concerning the ethical business practices of any of the subsidiaries of the Lackawanna Terminal Industries, Ltd. Since we understand that this month long investigation will be arduous for those participating, our trained and experienced staff of men and women will be on call twenty four hours a day to help in any way they can to ease the burden of these hard working ombudsmen/women. 

The Lackawanna Terminal Railway Management and employees are absolutely certain that the final report to the industry given by the Publishers and Editors of the Special Interest Press on the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's business practices will show conclusively that they are pure as natural spring water. 

2. We understand completely the cynicism the Special Interest Press has toward the creation of the Lackawanna Terminal Technical and Historical Society and so we would like to talk briefly about the origins, purpose, and relationship they, and their leadership, have with the management of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway. 

The LTT&HS was formed in the late seventies when railfans finally figured out that the Lackawanna Terminal Railway was going to be around for a while. Their self imposed mission was to document the history, motive power, rolling stock, and all aspect of the Lackawanna Terminal's physical plant and make that information available to all interested parties. They are registered in the states of New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania as a not-for-profit organization. 

The management of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway, always interested in the preservation of historical facts and memorabilia, immediately embraced the organization and arranged for the group to lease, for a nominal fee, an office in the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's headquarters building in downtown Scranton, PA. The group accepted our offer with enthusiasm. 

While it is true that the LTT&HS is housed next to the Department of Denial and Archive Destruction, they are located thus solely to simplify the identification and preservation of important documents and not, as you infer, for the priming or the warping to our ways of the innocent and enthusiastic railfan community so as to fulfill some imagined obscurantistic plot. 

The fact that the president of the LTT&HS is an employee of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway should come as no surprise. During his close business relationship with the Lackawanna Terminal management, he has demonstrated an expertise in areas which we found would be beneficial to the growth and preservation of the railroad. Because of his strong business acumen, and his close ties with organized crime, we have promoted him to manager of the Corporate Cafeteria, also known as the "High Heels Catering Club", which is located on a narrow side street near the headquarters building. The "High Heels Catering Club" is a wholly owned subsidiary of deepdarkdesires.com and is a popular after hours establishment with a restful atmosphere where the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's top executives gather after normal working hours to discuss the events of the day and plan the next day's business while dining in a relaxing, candlelit environment, sipping copious amounts of liquid libations and absorbing prodigious amounts of powdered productivity enhancers, with live entertainment to ease the stresses of the day. The Lackawanna Terminal Management Team finds that executives visiting the "High Heels Catering Club" after work go home refreshed and relaxed after a long day of battling the dark forces of competition which seek to destroy the fine company we have worked so hard to establish and nurture over these long and hard years. 

Part of the mission of the "High Heels Catering Club" is to cater the Lackawanna Terminal Industries, LTD's Corporate 747 and other company planes as well as the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Inspection Train which is seen frequently plying the rails with Corporate officers, Customers, and Government officials who wish to get a better understanding of the operations of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway. To this end, the president of the LTT&HS, in his function as manager of the "High Heels Catering Club"  must have access to all the Corporate equipment and facilities. This access benefits the Society in many obvious ways. 

The Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Management Team believes this relationship between the two organizations to be symbiotic in nature and encourages close communications between the two for the benefit of both. We consider the matter closed at this time.

Return to the Deep Fried FAQ index page.

Lackawanna Terminal Railway Quick Index:
Home Page Rolling Stock  Motive Power  Buffalo Division Map  Track Plans  System Operating Plan Link