DFF Item #27

27. Dear Mr. Railroad President,

Copies of the following letters were recently received in our office with alarm and incredulity. Is this the way a major American Corporation treats the downtrodden refuse of American society? Are the poor, helpless citizens of this proud nation to be ignored, ill treated, and abused in such a manner as this when they wish only to improve their situation in life? We vehemently object to your treatment of this individual who so desperately needs your help as his plaintive letter makes clear. The follow-up letter from his lawyer resulting from your abusive dismissal of this poor man's plea for employment explains with exactitude Mr. Piney's situation and the misunderstanding that led to his arrest and incarceration. Your pitiful treatment of this poor misunderstood man who has obviously paid his debt to society speaks eloquently of your moral depravity and your corporation's callous disregard for humanity. You and your ilk are despicable examples of Corporate America's malicious vendetta against the poor, neglected, and maligned citizens of our great country. I have included copies of the correspondence of Mr. Piney, his lawyer and your letter declining Mr. Piney's most pitiful request for employment with your company.

Yours in trust and loving friendship, 
Faith Goodhart 
Chairperson, Association for the Integration of Criminals into Society

Exhibit #1:

Deer sur,

I am curantly unemploied and am looking for a job.  I like trains a hole lot and want to wurk four a railroad.  Can I get a job with the Lackawanna Turminul Railroad? I wood be good at union relations and customer survice.  I also can do websites, and play solitare on the internet.

 I am not a troublemaker, and reely need a job.  I will be out in six months for good behavior.

 Your friend, A. Piney

Exhibit #2:

Dear Mr. Piney,

Thank you for writing to the Lackawanna Terminal Railway. Every business day our office here in Scranton, Pennsylvania receives many hundreds of letters from people, just like you, who are looking for employment in the railroad industry. Unfortunately, our office staff has little time to cull through such wearisome, whining, sniveling tripe from bothersome, unemployables such as yourself who, we can only surmise, are writing us to fulfill some requirement of your state's Office for the Unemployable Wretched Refuse or as part of a literacy course offered as a requirement for your parole from the state's penal system.

If, in a moment of weakness, we were to give your request a minimum of consideration, which we won't, we do not hire employees off the street, even with the highest recommendations from the most impeccable sources. Instead, let me recommend that you contact those good folks at the Eastern Lackawanna County Agricultural and Technical University and request from them information on their many fine courses in Railroad Technology. Perhaps, with a great deal of very expensive academic assistance, you might acquire enough knowledge to apply for employment on one of the lesser class I railroads such as the Norfolk Southern or Union Pacific. Perhaps, if you were to get a barely passing grade in an Associate's Degree in Railroad Management you might be hired by New Jersey Transit as a Deputy General Manager - Transportation. Certainly, no railroad of any quality would deign hire one of your ilk but I understand that NJ Transit will hire, for a management position, anyone, no matter how unfit for the job nor how many times they have been fired by previous railroad employers.

Barring a passing grade from the good folks at the Eastern Lackawanna County Agricultural and Technical University, we must advise you, albeit reluctantly, that your only other hope for employment in the railroad industry is to check your family's genealogical history to determine if  you may be distantly related to a New Jersey Transit manager. Being a Piney, that is, a resident of the Pine Barrens region in Southern Jersey, it is possible that one of your distant relatives crossbred with a member of NJ Transit's management at some time in the past. This would insure your immediate employment with New Jersey Transit as they are especially fond and protective of their inbred kin. 

It is the sincere recommendation of the staff of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Human Resources Department that in lieu of applying for employment with New Jersey Transit, you reject parole and remain behind bars for the rest of your natural life. The alternate is employment as a New Jersey Transit manager, considered by those well acquainted with the railroad industry, as a fate worst than having intimate relations with your crippled, welfare cheating, homosexual, cross dressing uncle; the one with the anal fetish (Yes, Mr. Piney, we now have a dossier on your entire family).

 It's your call.


With warm regards, 
The Staff of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Human Resources Department

Exhibit #3:


General Store, Blueberries, Crop Dusting, Phone Company and Attorneys at Law                                                                                     

September 27, 2002

Mr. Steve Kay, President 
Lackawanna Terminal Railroad 
Scranton, PA

My Dear Mr. Kay:

My client, Mr. A. Piney, has asked me to speak to you in the matter of his application for employment. I have read the reply sent to him from your Human Resources Department, and I was convinced that your subordinates feel that they are dealing with a simpleton.

Let me assure you sir, that Mr. Piney is an upstanding and respected citizen of his community. The matter of his incarceration was a gross misunderstanding on the part of the prosecutor, judge and jury. In order to ease your mind, the following is a brief synopsis of the entire matter:

Mr. Piney’s father and two uncles were the owners of the state's largest commercial cranberry and blueberry farm and packing house. They also owned the trucking company that transported their products throughout the U.S. Mr. Piney’s father also owned a small private distillery.  Recently, the Canadian Corporation, Seagram’s, purchased the formula of the senior Piney’s product to use as the basis of a new spirit they intend to market.
All told, the holdings of the Piney family were in excess of $30,000,000.00.

At a family barbecue last spring, my client dozed off under a shady tree, while apparently; the rest of the family went into the main house.  When my client awoke and went to the house, he was saddened to note that the entire family had expired from unknown causes.  As a suitable memorial, and in compliance with what he believed to be their last wishes, my client set the house ablaze.  When the fire and police departments arrived, they found my client dancing in small circles and clapping his hands.  This is of course a  well recognized sign of grief, as we were 
able to convince the court.

However, an overzealous agent of the ASPCA noted that a pig had received second-degree burns when the blazing windmill collapsed on its pen.  My client was charged with cruelty to animals.  Naturally, the liberal farmers on the  jury quickly convicted him, and he was sentenced to one year in the Atlantic County Jail.

Mr. Piney will soon be released, and at his direction, I have sold all of the assets (which are rightfully his).  He can live comfortably on the money from the sale, but wishes to do something useful; hence, he applied for work on your railroad.

I advised my client to follow the suggestions that he received from your Human Resources Department.  Therefore, on Tuesday, I called the University, as suggested.  I was surprised that the phone was answered by a pizza parlor, but I understand that this is due to construction and expansion of the University.  Your registrar gave us directions,  and we met him in the parking lot of a Yacco Pirogue franchise in Wilkes-Barre.  I have never before seen class registration done in a Ford Windstar.  As requested, the $22,000.00 for the first semester was paid in small bills.

Following the registrar’s directions, we drove to the dormitory, which turned out to be a vacant lot in Forty-Fort. The addresses of the campus buildings in Scranton turned out to be: a car wash, an abandoned Studebaker dealer, a Tru-Value Hardware store, and a bordello.

Surely, there has been some misunderstanding.  My client is not concerned about the money, as he is very well off, and considers your organization a reliable one.  Perhaps you can use your position to clear this matter up, as my client is anxious for an opportunity to work as your employee.

Yours truly, 
M. Schiester, esq.

Dear Ms. Goodhart:
The President and CEO of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway was most distressed by the content and tone of your letter displayed above. However, as will become apparent, things are not quite what they seem at first blush. Naturally, on receiving your most rancorous tome, the President and CEO of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway delegated the responsibility of responding to your ill conceived accusations toward our most fastidious and prudent President and Chairman of the Board to me, Kelly Green, Special Assistant to the President and CEO of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway, and it became my duty and obligation to investigate the circumstances which triggered your querulous comments regarding our President's, and by extension, our company's handling of the matter of Mr. Piney's request for employment with the Lackawanna Terminal Railway. To that end, and to ease the enormous workload caused by your discordant discourse, I enlisted the aid of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Chief of Criminal Investigations, Lt. Marcus Sade, a man with impeccable credentials in the field of criminal misbehavior. The results of his investigation were forwarded to the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Corporate Counsel in Philadelphia, Pa. 

I am certain that, upon reading Mr. Sade's report on the subject at hand, you will be as convinced as I that the Lackawanna Terminal Railway's Human Resources Department handled the matter in a most profession manner and that Mr. Piney's lawyer's comments as well as your own are without validation, justification, or substance and that perhaps for once and for all you will cease your superfluous, gratuitous whining and find an activity more suited to your gender, whatever it may be. 

The Lackawanna Terminal Railway considers the matter closed.

With due regard, 

Kelly Green 
Special assistant to the President and CEO
Lackawanna Terminal Railway

Lt. Sade's report is enclosed as Exhibit #4.

Exhibit #4:

Lackawanna Terminal Railway Corporation
Department of Criminal Investigations                                                                                                                         Lt. Marcus D. Sade, Chief Investigator
From   Lt. Marcus Sade                                                                                                         
February 15, 2003

Lackawanna Terminal Railway Corporation    
Department of Criminal Investigations
1 Lackawanna Plaza
Scranton, Pa.

To: The Honorable Lionel Howe                                                                
Offices of Dooey, Suem, and Howe
1 Penn Plaza
Philadelphia, Pa.

Dear Mr. Howe:

Once again it is a pleasure to communicate with you and to accede to a request from Mr. Kelley Green, Special Assistant to the President and CEO of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway, to follow up on a letter from a Mr. M. Schiester of ACERBIC ENTERPRISES, LLC, dated September 27, 2002 and Ms. Faith Goodhart, 

Chairperson, Association for the Integration of Criminals into Society, 

these letters having been received by our office in reference to a letter sent to the President of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway vis a vie a request for employment by the Lackawanna Terminal Railway of one Mr. A Piney. After a thorough investigation by the Lackawanna Terminal Railway Corporation's Department of Criminal Investigations we have uncovered the following facts:

1. In reference to the Statement by Mr. M. Schiester that Mr. Piney is an upstanding and respected citizen of his community it has been determined that no statement could be further from the truth. Mr. A. Piney is known locally as a recluse with a long history of mental health problems dating from early childhood. Our investigation uncovered no less than seven admissions to a mental institution in southern New Jersey known as Cranberry Cottage for the Mentally Aberrant, a founding member of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. The admission records of this well respected mental hospital, a facility that deals primarily with children with problems of a sexual nature, show that, as a juvenile, Mr. Piney was treated seven times without positive result and each time was reluctantly discharged when Mr. Piney's relatives claimed he was needed to harvest their crops of cranberries and blueberries in spite of the young Mr. Piney's cries for sanctuary within the confines of the Cranberry Cottage for the Mentally Aberrant. 

2. As to the matter of his incarceration being a "gross misunderstanding on the part of the prosecutor, judge, and jury, our investigation finds that the judge and jury were overly lenient in the case of Mr. A. Piney; a leniency abetted by a large donation from Mr. A. Piney's estate by Mr. M. Schiester to the local Democratic Party, an organization in which the judge in the case is a prominent member. It also appears from evidence uncovered during the course of our inquiries into the matter that Mr. A. Piney was not quite as innocent as Mr. Schiester was led to believe; and now leads us to believe. Photographs taken from a satellite, launched last year from the SpaceLift Incorporated's facility on the Nicobar Islands near the Bay of Bengal doing high resolution land survey work for the US Department of Agriculture over the eastern seaboard of the United States at the time of the fire and recently acquired by our office, tells a different story.

According to sequential photographs taken by SpaceLift's Geostationary Satellite (GEOSTAT 12) Mr. A Piney was observed moving from the shade tree where it was thought he was taking a nap, pouring the contents of two five gallon containers known as "Jerry Cans" around the foundation of the "Main House", mentioned in Mr. Schiester's letter, and setting the house on fire by igniting it with a lit railroad type fusee. These photographs, with your concurrence, will be forwarded to the prosecutor's office that has jurisdiction over the Piney case. The time frame of these pictures leaves little doubt that Mr. Piney's relatives were not done in but some alleged "unknown cause" but were, in fact, murdered by a malevolent Mr. A. Piney in a most horrible and vicious manner. 

In view of the facts of Mr. Piney's past mental instability and the cruel manner with which Mr. Piney was treated by the rest of his family it is not surprising that Mr. Piney would act in such a depraved manner. When questioned by our investigators the staff of the Cranberry Cottage for the Mentally Aberrant all agreed that Mr. Piney's "dancing in small circles and clapping his hands" as observed by units of the local police and fire department was, in every way, consistent with the mental delusions observed during Mr. Piney's multiple incarcerations. It is the opinion of this investigator that Mr. A. Piney avoided a well deserve trip to death row. 

3. The "overzealous agent of the ASPCA" mentioned in Mr. Schiester' letter dated September 27, 2002 was, in fact one of Mr. A Piney's closest relatives, his illegitimate daughter sired with Mr. Piney's first aunt. Her mother was one of the victims of the fire set by Mr. Piney so her outrage is understandable. The only reason Mr. Piney was charged with "cruelty to animals" was simply that the agent from the ASPCA was not armed at the time of Mr. Piney's arrest so a more fitting end to the day's events could not be achieved. It may be of interest to note that Mr. Piney's incarceration in the Atlantic County Jail was, for him, a pleasant one as he fit into all the dresses offered him by his fellow inmates and, at times, fetched a enviable five packs of cigarettes per "visit". 

4. After much diligent and extremely expensive research into the matter several "facts" mentioned in Mr. Scheister's letter have been confirmed, after a fashion. First, Mr. Schiester did, in fact, advise Mr. Piney to apply to the Eastern Lackawanna County Agricultural and Technical University in a core curriculum that would prepare him for employment in the railroad industry and, in fact, when Mr. Schiester called the University, in Scranton, Pa, he was, as he stated, connected to a pizza parlor but this was not, as Mr. Schiester stated "due to construction and expansion of the University". The fact of the matter is that the registrar runs the pizza parlor as an adjunct to the University's curriculum on small business ethics and the operator on duty at the University switch board that day mistakenly thought that the registrar was teaching at the pizza parlor; a simple and honest mistake.

5. Further investigation into the allegations made by Mr. Schiester that he met the registrar in the parking lot of a Yacco Pirogue franchise in Wilkes-Barre, Pa. lead to a somewhat different result. Witnesses who were in the parking lot of the Yacco Pirogue in Wilkes-Barre, Pa. that night all confirm that Mr. Schiester was in the parking lot propositioning a well know local prostitute. Mr. Schiester was seen leaving the parking lot sometime before midnight after visiting with the prostitute in a Ford Windstar later confirmed, by checking the license plate number, to be registered to Acerbic Enterprises, LLC. When our investigators called Acerbic Enterprises, LLC. the next day, a spokesperson for the firm confirmed that that particular vehicle was reserved for the exclusive use of Mr. M. Schiester. 

6. After our accountants interviewed the staff of the Eastern Lackawanna County Agricultural and Technical University's Admissions Department and perused the University's accounts receivable records it became obvious that the claim by Mr. Schiester that he paid tuition for Mr. Piney in the sum of $22,000 is part of a nefarious scam perpetrated by Mr. Schiester against the estate of Mr A. Piney. In fact, the only money, Mr. Schiester paid out that night was a $200.00 stipend to the local prostitute with whom he spent the evening.

7. Mr. Schiester's claim that he drove to dormitories under the ownership of the Eastern Lackawanna County Agricultural and Technical University is another of Mr. Schiester's prevarications. In fact, as confirmed by witnesses that night, Mr. Schiester drove to Forty-Fort, Pa. in an effort to solicit more illicit sex and to procure, for himself and his consort, illegal drugs. According to highly credible sources interviewed by our investigators, Mr. Schiester and an under age female he picked up in the parking lot of a Seven Eleven in Taylor, Pa. bought marijuana at a car wash, then proceeded to a auto salvage yard were they were observed smoking the marijuana and participating in "deviant sexual behavior" by a group of transients living nearby. Later, Mr. Schiester and a different young female were caught on a security camera at an all night Tru-Value hardware store buying a length of rope, some short lengths of chain, four padlocks, and a box of mothballs; this purchase being confirmed by the store clerk on duty at the time and a copy of the register receipt. The use to which Mr. Schiester and his companion put these items can only be surmised as his companion has not been seen since that night.

8. Mr. Schiester again throws credence to the winds when he states that his "client is not concerned about money, as he is very well off". Due to Mr. Piney's unstable mental state as confirmed by mental health professionals, his mind is continually occupied by fond memories of his incarceration in mental institutions and county jails and has no interest in any monetary wealth he might be privileged to possess. It came to the attention of our investigators during interviews with the employees of Acerbic Enterprises, LLC. that Mr. Piney has been kept totally unaware of the fortune under the control of Mr. Schiester and the Board of Directors at Acerbic Enterprises, LLC. Further investigation into the financial activities of Acerbic Enterprises, LLC. discloses that Mr. Piney's fortune has been almost entirely depleted through outrageous service fees and the poor investment strategy of a team of financial advisers led by Mr. Schiester.

It is apparent, through the studious inquiries of the investigative teams of the Lackawanna Terminal Railway Corporation's Department of Criminal Investigations, that not only is Mr. A. Piney unfit for employment with the Lackawanna Terminal Railway Corporation but it would be more appropriate for him to be incarcerated in a high security mental health institution for the rest of his natural life. It is also the learned opinion of this team of investigators that Mr. M. Schiester's letter of September 27, 2002 not only be rejected by the Lackawanna Terminal Railway Corporation's Department of Human Resources but forwarded, along with all the notes and photographs collected during our inquiries, to the office of the prosecutor for the jurisdictions covering the events included herein so that Mr. Schiester and his band of thieving villains can be brought to justice and punished in a manner befitting their heinous crimes against Mr. Piney and society as a whole.

As always, it has been a pleasure doing business with you and your law firm. We await your further instructions in this matter.

Warm regards,
Lt. Marcus D. Sade
Chief Investigator and Commander
Department of Investigations
Lackawanna Terminal Railway Corporation

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